“It’s only me that knows the history of his illness” – Stella’s story

Stella first heard of Rethink Mental Illness five years ago, when her husband was hospitalised. Accessing our Bristol Carers Service has given her opportunities for respite and peer support. 

What I’ve learnt from being a carer is to never, ever make prejudgements about mental health because none of us know exactly what kind of diagnosis somebody has got or how serious. Most people who meet my husband wouldn’t know he was on heavy duty medication. It’s only me that knows the history of his illness. A lot has happened. 

Years ago, I would’ve been the kind of person who would’ve said something like ‘oh I bet they’ve just diagnosed themselves off the internet’ or ‘there’s not really much wrong with them’. Since being a carer, I’m much more open-minded. 

No-one understands how tied you are to the home or where you live when you’re a carer. The main thing for me is keeping in regular contact with my husband, even when I'm out of the house, and not putting him or both of us in any unusual situation which could trigger his illness.  

When you think of other people’s lives, they might have a couple of holidays a year or long weekends away. You can’t do anything like that as a carer. That is a big limiting thing. We haven’t had a holiday for over 5 years since he was hospitalised, because the stress of travelling through busy trains, bus depots or airports is too difficult for him.